Letters To Damon
by hopelessdream2005
Summary: Bonnie writes letters to a dead Damon to cope with his loss, in them she talks about everything she feels her friends wont understand. what happens when Damon returns? as always not good at summerising...oh and changed pen name from vampgurl2005 to this.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hello lovely readers! Firstly to clear things up I have changed my pen name from vampgurl2005 to hopelessdream2005 because I saw someone had almost the same name as me so ya…Okay so I was sitting up writing a chapter for one of my other stories and an idea popped into my head… ya ya I know I really need to install a switch into my brain to shut it off once in a while… but well since I can't here I am starting yet again another story very early in the morning… blame the insomnia not me lol well hope you enjoy this first chapter R&R and let me know if I should continue it or not. And if you hate it feel free to tell Bonnie to set me on fire or something idk use your imaginations to create an agonizing death for me… wow I sound Emo! Okay I am shutting up.**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing except this story blah blah blah….<strong>

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><p><em>Dear Damon,<em>

_It has been exactly one day since we have returned to Fells Church without you._

_One day since you were staked by that awful tree… to save me._

_Why am I writing to you even though you will never see this?_

_I guess I just need to talk to someone about how your death has affected me._

_The others just don't understand why it hit me so hard, and I just don't feel as if they would understand._

_So here I am writing to you._

_I guess I can tell you what your death has done to me even if it only has been a day since you've been gone…_

_Well for starters if it weren't for me you would still be here… but you're not. _

_If I hadn't climbed that tree… or maybe if I had thought that it had just seemed too easy to get to the star ball… you would still be here…_

_Another reason your death has left a gaping hole in my heart is that I love you._

_Not loved… love._

_Even in death you have this unexplainable effect on me._

_I never told this to anyone, most of all I never told you which I regret._

_I know you didn't feel the same for me… You felt for Elena the way I feel for you._

_Though you always said I was a child you never treated me as one like the others do._

_If I would have told them my feelings for you they would have laughed at me-or worse, try to protect me from you._

_I suppose that all doesn't matter now…_

_Fells church will never be the same without you._

_I will never be the same without you._

_I have to go now, I have school in the morning and I suppose I should at least try to sleep._

_Love, Bonnie xo_

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><p>Bonnie carefully folded up the tear stained letter and sealed it with a kiss before putting it in an empty shoe box.<p>

She knew the others would call her foolish for writing letters to the dead, but she had to have some way to release her jumbled emotions.

She sighed as she crossed her room and placed the box on the top shelf of her closet.

She really did have to go to school in the morning, it was all part of the guardians promise to make everything go back to normal…

She hated the guardians.

They had not even tried to bring Damon back claiming that they couldn't bring back the soul of the damned.

Didn't they know that they had torn a living soul to shreds when they did this?

When he died she felt part of her soul die too.

She had tried to explain this to Matt and Meredith earlier but Meredith had said she was being over dramatic, and Matt well he seemed irritated that she was torn up over Damon's death.

She was so angry that she had kicked them out of her house.

She couldn't even talk to Elena and Stefan because in all honesty she felt it was her fault Damon was no longer here and she just couldn't face them.

She knew that a part of them blamed her for his death as well.

They were just too nice to say it out loud.

So she had decided she would write to Damon, and in all honesty though he would never actually see the letters it did seem to help a little.

She decided she would continue to do so, hoping that maybe she would feel whole again someday.

Bonnie sighed heavily and flopped down heavily onto her bed praying that sleep would come soon so she wouldn't be haunted by Damon's death scene that seemed to play in a loop in her twisted mind.

It was as if she was torturing herself by making her relive the painful moment again and again for causing his death.

Warm tears sprung to her tired dry eyes and she finally fell asleep once she could cry no more.

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><p>Bonnie woke up to the sound of her phone ringing almost impatiently.<p>

She glanced at the caller ID and saw Meredith's name flashing.

She hesitantly answered it keeping in mind that she was still angry at Meredith for brushing off her pain yesterday.

"Yes?" She answered a little coldly.

She heard Meredith sigh on the other line.

"Bon look I know that you are still mad at me but I am coming to pick you up for school so everything seems normal."

Bonnie laughed bitterly, a very un-Bonnie like thing to do.

"Normal? We get to be normal? News flash Suelez we can pretend that nothing ever happened all we want but it will never be normal. I wish I had been given the luxury of having

my memories messed with like the rest of the town. Maybe then I wouldn't have to see Damon's heart being pierced by that horrid tree branch over and over again. All because of

me…" Bonnie's voice cracked on the last part.

"Bonnie look I know you are sad that Damon is gone, but you really need to get over your little fascination for him and move on. Besides people will suspect something is wrong."

"Oh? People will suspect something is wrong? So I have to bottle up my grief so that others can go on with their wonderful normal lives… I don't know if I can do that Meredith. I am just so torn up that I

don't know I can fake a smile and pretend the world is perfect. I-I just can't."

"Well you have to at least try Bonnie. Anyways I will be there in 20 minutes to pick you up, and remember what I told you."

Bonnie heard the click of the phone disconnecting and flopped back down on her bed for a moment before getting up and getting dressed.

She still had 10 minutes until Meredith would get there to pick her up.

She grabbed a pen and paper and wrote a short letter needing to release her feelings once again.

_Dear Damon,_

_Yes I realize that it has only been hours since the last letter, but I am just so frustrated and angry._

_The others expect me to act normal and put on a show for everyone so that they can go on oblivious to the screwed up world we knew._

_I just don't think I can do that…_

_Sometimes when I was afraid I would think of you and that brought me courage._

_But you're gone now and I miss you so much._

_I miss your arrogant attitude._

_Your gorgeous chiseled features any sculptor could never imitate. _

_The way your raven colored hair was messy but stylish._

_I miss your beautiful smile-well smirk more accurately._

_But mostly I miss the feel of your lips upon mine… _

_They were full of contradiction: cool yet warm, soft yet firm and they were just wonderful._

_I have still to this day never told a soul about the times we have kissed, and I don't think I ever will._

_They were like a treasure to keep safe and keep to yourself…_

_But I will never feel them again, and its all my fault…_

_I am so sorry._

_Love, Bonnie xo_

Bonnie heard the sound of Meredith's car horn outside and quickly wiped her damp eyes and tried her best to compose herself.

Once she was sure she was calm enough, she stepped out of the door and out into the world of the oblivious trying to prepare herself for the act she would have to put on.

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><p><strong>AN: so let me know keep going or drop it? Oh and I should be able to update By blood and by darknessts, and possibly even Battered hearts tomorrow night maybe late though so it might show up the next day… well R&amp;R this story =)<strong>

**-Julie/Vampgurl2005/hopelessdream2005 (lol ya lots of slashes huh?)**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I am ecstatic that you guys liked this idea! Thank you for all of the lovely reviews… I am not sure exactly when I am going to bring Damon back to Fells church anyways… I think I want to give Bonnie a little more time of writing to a dead Damon? Anyways here's chapter 2!**

**Disclaimer: I think we all know by now that I don't own Vampire Diaries….**

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><p><em>Dear Damon,<em>

_It has been a week now since your death._

_All around me I watch as my friends pull themselves together and put all of the dark events that occurred in Fells Church behind them._

_I can't do that._

_Forgetting everything that we had been through with Katherine, Klaus, and the kitsune would be like losing a memory with you…_

_Is it selfish for me to hold on when everyone says I need to let go?_

_I know it would be easier on me, but I just can't._

_Things at school aren't going so well._

_My grades are slipping horribly, I guess I just don't see the point._

_I mean technically I have already graduated. I suppose it's because I just 'don't have the drive' as Mr. Tanner so lovingly said in front of my peers._

_I didn't care._

_It breaks my heart to see my mother's worried eyes._

_She is worried about me and I can't tell her why I am so upset._

_She thinks I am having issues with body image and that I have developed anorexia._

_In all honesty I haven't really eaten much since the return, but what she mistakes for 'body issues' is just merely deep depression._

_Death is nothing new to me but this is the first time that it has affected me so much._

_Maybe it's because I know that it is my fault you are gone…_

_I pretend not to see when the others look at me weird._

_I am beyond tired of them telling me to move on._

_This world is just not the same without you… almost as if when you died the world changed directions to spin the other way…_

_Well I have to go. I am being forced to go to the mall to hang out `like old times'_

_Why can't they see that it is impossible for me to pretend that nothing ever happened?_

_That I will never be the same girl I was?_

_I will try to write soon, it seems that writing to you is my only life line these days…_

_Love, Bonnie_

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><p>Bonnie heard the impatient knocking on the front door down stairs just as she stashed the letter with the others.<p>

She hastily descended the stairs taking then two at a time until she finally reached the front door where the knocking continued.

"Hey g-" She started but was cut off by surprisingly Caroline.

"Oh no you are not going like that." Caroline scoffed, her cat like green eyes scrutinizing Bonnie's appearance.

Bonnie held back a shudder remembering Caroline's appearance only weeks before.

It was strange to see that she was no longer pregnant and changing into a werewolf.

It almost made her wonder if any of it was real.

Of course Caroline had no memory of that time but if she had she wouldn't be so quick to judge what Bonnie thought was an ok outfit.

Caroline grabbed Bonnie's hand and dragged her back up the staircase and to her room.

Moments later as Caroline rummaged through Bonnie's closet trying to find something `suitable' for her to wear, Meredith walked in with Elena closely behind sporting an apologetic smile on her perfect face.

"Here put this on." Caroline said as she tossed an outfit at her.

She caught it and rushed to her bathroom to change.

"There are you satisfied?"Bonnie asked as she stepped out of the bathroom now wearing the bright and cheery sun dress that was only a harsh reminder of just how much she had changed.

Only then did she see that all three girls had make up brushes in their hands.

She wondered if they would tackle her if she tried to run for it but then suspicion got the best of her.

"Okay what is going on? If I didn't know any better I would think that this mall trip is some excuse to get me with some guy." Bonnies eyes widened as she took in all three of her friends guilty expressions.

"Bonnie…" Elena began.

Bonnie began to shake her head profusely.

"Bonnie, look it's not just some guy, its Matt. Besides it will be good for you."Elena reassured.

"Come on Bon it won't be that bad."Meredith said soothingly.

"Oh, stop being stubborn Bonnie. " Caroline stated bluntly.

Bonnie shook her head once more.

"There is no way I am going to let you talk me into this." Bonnie said firmly.

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><p>A half hour later, the girls stepped through the glass automatic doors of Fells Churches only mall.<p>

"I can't believe you talked me into this." The now made over Bonnie sighed in defeat.

"Oh Bonnie, I didn't realize you still think boys have the cooties." Caroline said.

Bonnie glared at the auburn haired girl for a moment before Elena's voice stopped her from saying many of the not so nice things she had planned.

"There he is. Come on Bonnie." She let the girls drag her towards Matt.

Honestly she was so lost in disbelief that she doubted she could have walked on her own anyways.

What was wrong with these people?

They are acting as if they don't remember anything that had happened only weeks ago.

Caroline was understandable, but Elena and Meredith who had faced the dangers alongside her to save this little town?

Didn't they know that even pretending to not remember what had happened not to mention Damon killed her inside?

All of her thoughts came to a staggering halt as soon as her feet did.

They were now standing right in front of Matt whose clear blue eyes lit up as he took in the sight of her.

"Hey Bonnie, you look great." He said as he pulled her into a tight hug.

"Thanks you too." She returned the hug.

"Well we have to meet Stefan, we will see you two around." Elena said quickly giving Bonnie a look that said 'you better play nice, or else' before leaving with Meredith and Caroline closely in tow.

Bonnie awkwardly turned back to Matt who was looking at her with an unreadable expression on his face.

"So…" She said not knowing what else to say.

"So Bonnie I was wondering… " He trailed off seeming to search for the right words to say.

_Oh no. Don't let it be what I think it's going to be. _She begged silently.

Her begs were futile though when he continued.

"I was wondering if you would like to go out tomorrow night." He breathed out.

She felt very uncomfortable and stayed silent for a moment.

There was a time when she would have been thrilled at the thought of Matt asking her out, but that was before she had realized her love for Damon.

_Damon…_

She felt a pain in her heart as she thought his name.

She looked back at Matt and saw hurt written across his face and knew no matter how much she wanted to tell him no, she just couldn't be the cause of his pain.

She forced a small smile upon her face.

"Sure Matt. That would be… nice." She said.

The quarterbacks face lit up at her answer not knowing that it didn't come from what was left of the mess that was her heart.

"Okay I will pick you up at 8 then." He smiled and hugged her once more before walking off.

She sighed heavily and sat down on the wooden bench that was situated by the extravagant fountain in the center of the busy mall.

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><p>For a while she silently watched as couples walked by hand in hand looking at each other lovingly.<p>

Groups of friends passed by laughing and joking around.

Everything she would never really have passed by her and it made her sick.

It became too much and she found that it seemed hard to breathe so she sprinted out of the entrance of the mall and ran.

She ran nonstop until she reached the safety of her parents house and shut and closed the door behind her.

"Bonnie honey, is that you? I made your favorite foods for dinner." Her mom called as she walked through the kitchen door donning an apron.

"I'm not hungry." Bonnie said as she turned to go upstairs to her room.

Her mom stopped her by grabbing her arm as she spun back around.

She studied Bonnie's face intently as if she were searching for something.

Her mom then sighed in a tired way as tears pooled in her brown eyes.

"Where is my little girl?" She asked no one in particular as her voice cracked with emotion.

Though Bonnie hated to see her mother cry she couldn't help but get angered.

She was angry that yet another person expected her to be the same girl she was before… before he died.

Though it was unfair to take it out on her mother who was oblivious to everything that had happened in the past years, she couldn't help it.

She yanked her arms away from her mothers' grip; watching as her eyes widened in surprise and.. was it fear?

"She's dead." Bonnie stated flatly before continuing up the stairs, trying to shut out the heart wrenching sobs of the woman who raised her.

Bonnie threw herself onto her bed as she felt tears of her own spring to her tired eyes.

"Oh Damon… I'm so sorry" She whispered into her pillow.

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><p><strong>AN: Okay so I think next chapter will be when Damon remembers Fells church and Bonnie and the others…. But it will be a journey to get back I am not going to just poof him there… <strong>

**Yes there will be a little Matt/Bonnie for a short while, though it will be clear she doesn't feel for him in that way.**

**So R&R and let me know what you thought of this chapter =)**

**Love you all!**

**-Julie**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Thank you for all the lovely reviews! you guys are as awesome as hot sauce! (if you know me and my weird obsession for hot sauce then you should know that was a very high compliment.) If you are a reader of Surrender of the heart go vote on my poll! Very important to continue the story =) so here is chapter 3!**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to the lovely L.J. Smith I own nothing except this story itself.**

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><p>Damon woke up and was surrounded by darkness.<p>

Black ash covered almost everything and swirled through the air much like snow would in winter.

Unlike snow, which was pure and beautiful, this was dark and the remnants of something that had been destroyed.

He couldn't get the images of the two maidens he knew were waiting for him out of his head.

The girl with golden hair and eyes the color of lapis lazuli, and the little bird with flaming hair that fell in ringlets, framing her small heart shaped face with wide brown innocent eyes.

Damon sat upright and that was when the pain hit.

A sharp throbbing sensation shot right through his very core, and if he had been mortal he was sure that this pain alone would be enough to kill him…again.

He gritted his teeth through the pain and managed to stand while dusting himself free of the horrid ash.

He looked around wondering which direction would take him out of this dark and desolate world, but was met with only darkness and the still falling ash.

As an act of desperation he stretched out with his power, searching for any sign of life that could help him escape and felt just to the east a tiny vibration that indicated that some sort of power was in that direction.

Just as he was about to take his first step to freedom, he heard the faint sound of whispering.

He strained his ears to hear the soft words.

"_Oh Damon… I'm so sorry."_

That sweet, sweet voice was all it took to piece together the rest of the puzzle.

Every memory, thought, and feeling rushed back to him in mere seconds.

That same sweet voice he now knew belonged to Bonnie, the maiden with the big brown eyes and crimson colored locks, the little witch.

His little bird…

Her voice was enough to make him pick up his pace and keep going forward.

Damon knew that it was going to be a journey, but he also knew that he would stop at nothing until he reached his destination.

Fells Church, Virginia.

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><p><em>Dear Damon,<em>

_It is 7:30 p.m. and I have yet to get ready for my date with Matt…_

_I don't want to follow through with this at all._

_It's not that I don't like Matt, I do… just in a brotherly sort of way._

_The truth of it all is that even if it wasn't Matt who asked me out, I still wouldn't feel like going._

_As silly as it sounds, I feel as if by accepting this date I am betraying myself… betraying you…_

_Which is completely idiotic of me considering you were never mine to betray._

_Everyday that you aren't here is a struggle… instead of healing I feel myself falling deeper into the dark abyss that some would call depression._

_I guess I really should get ready now, I am the one who foolishly agreed to this in the first place… so its time to face the music… no matter how much I am dreading this night._

_Love, Bonnie._

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><p>After stowing away the letter, Bonnie halfheartedly began to get ready.<p>

She was grateful that Matt had suggested going to a movie, so she wouldn't have to talk much and could focus her attention on anything but Matt.

She was even more grateful that Elena, Meredith, and Caroline had agreed to leave her to get ready for the 'date' by herself.

The doorbell rang and she took a deep breath before going to answer it.

"Hey Bon. You look good." Matt smiled.

She managed a small smile for him.

"You too…"

They made their way to his old beat up car that was parked in the driveway, and were off to the only movie theater in Fells Church.

The ride was awkward and quiet, but Bonnie welcomed the silence with open arms.

Matt had chosen a scary movie, most likely trying to pull off the most classic trick in the book, comforting the scared jumpy girl…

It probably would have worked on her had she been any other girl… but she wasn't.

The fact was she had seen much worse than anything a film company could ever come up with… whether it was in her nightmares or the life she had lived the last couple of years fighting to survive and save

this cursed town from sure destruction.

She stared blankly at the huge screen and tried to ignore the fact that inch by inch he seemed to get a little closer to her.

And then when he tried to wrap an arm around her shoulder it became too much.

She dodged his arm sloppily and apologized, saying that she wasn't feeling well and if he could take her home.

He agreed and they were just now pulling up to her house after yet another awkward ride.

"Thank you Matt, and I am sorry for ruining our… date." An apologetic smile graced her lips.

"It's no problem Bonnie, at least we got to spend a little time together."

"Well, uh I guess I should be going in." She said as she grasped the passenger door handle.

"Hey Bon?" His voice stopped her.

She reluctantly turned to face him once more.

Her eyes widened in surprise as he began to lean in with his eyes shut.

She quickly turned her head to the side so that his lips collided with her cheek instead of her lips.

His eyes shot open and he turned her head to face him.

When she did she saw that his face was flushed in embarrassment of the obvious rejection.

He looked into her eyes for a moment and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't tear her eyes away from his hurt filled blue orbs.

"It's him isn't it?" He asked dryly.

Her silence confirmed him to be right.

"He's dead and yet he still wins? This is so… so stupid!" His voice began to raise with anger.

She flinched at the mention of Damon's death.

"I-I'm so sorry." She squeaked out.

He chuckled darkly, very unlike the Matt she knew and it scared her.

"I don't need your apology nor your pity… just get out."

She did as he asked and before she had time to reach the front door, she heard the angry squealing of tires and when she turned around he was gone.

The only sign that he had been there at all was the stench of burnt rubber and the cloud of dust that had remained in the spot where his car had been only moments before.

Tears stung her eyes for she knew that she had just lost a friend… more like she had pushed him away.

She wiped her cheeks dry and went up to her room.

_Maybe it's better this way? You are a murderer after all… a murderer who doesn't deserve friends or family._ Her darkened subconscious whispered to her.

Yes those word hurt and they were a form of self torture, but they were strangely soothing.

After all she deserved the torture, so she might as well welcome it.

She would now push everyone away, make them hate her even, but in the end no one could hate her as much as she hated herself…

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><p><strong>AN: okay so we have a little Damon this chapter, and because I just love dark and depressing things, as we follow Damon's journey back to fells church we will also follow Bonnie's journey to self destruction and hopefully Damon can bring her back =) I know some of you didn't like the idea of Matt but he was important to make her want to push everyone away… ya I know sad but ppl deal with death in different ways so this is my version of Bonnie's dealing well R7R tell me what you thought… <strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Okay so I thought I would update something other than Battered Hearts and surrender of the heart for a change lol… thank you for the lovely reviews of last chapter =) I am so glad you guys like this story and am surprised by what a hit it has become… well here goes chapter 4 hope I don't disappoint.**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing except this story. All characters belong to the wonderful L.J Smith.<strong>

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><p>Just as Bonnie suspected Elena came over early that morning to scold her about the date with Matt.<p>

She knew as soon as she answered the door that this wouldn't end well.

"Come in Elena." She stepped aside to let the blond into her house.

As soon as the door was closed Elena whirled on her, and accusing look plastered on her perfect face.

"How could you Bonnie? Matt is our friend and he really liked you."

"How could I? You have some nerve Elena. First you set me up telling me you want to go to the mall and then leave me with Matt knowing I would not have the heart to say no to him. This is your fault you

know? Did you even take in consideration that I didn't like him in that way?" Bonnie retorted.

"You used to…" Elena said stubbornly.

"Yes I used to have a crush on Matt, but if you had paid attention maybe you would have noticed I have been over that for quite some time now."

Elena's lapis colored eyes widened as she seemed to come to realization.

"I loved him too, you know." She said softly.

There was no doubt of who 'him' was.

This seemed to set off an anger in Bonnie that she could no longer contain.

"Yes Elena, I think we are all very aware of how you loved Damon. You had both brothers wrapped around your finger, just like Katherine. Well lucky for you, you don't have to make a choice now because

Damon is dead, maybe now you can treat Stefan with some respect and love him the way you were meant to."

Bonnie didn't even wince when Elena's hand collided with her cheek.

She knew she deserved it, along with so much more.

"I don't even know who you are. Call me when the real Bonnie is back." Elena walked to the door and left.

Bonnie knew it would only be a matter of time before Stefan, and Meredith would come to reprimand her for treating Elena so badly, but she didn't care.

It would only make it easier to push them all away.

She ran up the stairs and shut herself in her room, pulling out a fresh sheet of paper and a pen.

Wanting to explain herself to the only person she could talk to these days.

Damon.

_Dear Damon,_

_My date with Matt last night went terrible… I suppose I should have seen that coming though._

_I just don't think of him in that way and he's just… he's just not you._

_To make matters worse Elena and I got into a fight today._

_I said some very harsh things to her and I know she probably hates me now._

_I hated how I treated her but it's for the best._

_A murderer like me doesn't deserve friends or happiness…_

_I deserve only pain and loneliness._

_Oh Damon why?_

_Why did you have to push me out of the way from that branch?_

_If you thought it would save my life, well you were wrong…_

_My heart still beats but I am dead… and empty shell of the person that I used to be._

_Every day that you are gone I feel as if I am losing more and more of myself._

_I wish you would have just let me die._

_At least if the branch had taken my life it would have been a quick death… but this… this is slow and agonizing._

_I suppose I deserve it though…_

_Bonnie._

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><p>Damon walked for miles in the dark world he had woken up in.<p>

He was beginning to wonder if he was going the right way.

It was hard to tell in this world of nothingness.

There was no landmark he could use to make sure he wasn't wandering in circles, there was nothing at all but the black ash that continued to rain down around him.

Just when he was about to give up for the night, or day whichever it was in this strange place, he came upon a door.

It was so out of place that he wondered if his tired mind was just playing tricks on him.

He pushed that thought away as soon as his hand made contact with the door knob hesitating before opening it.

He wasn't sure what lay just on the other side of the door, but he knew that he had to get back to Fells Church… back to them.

When he opened the door he was blinded by a bright white light.

He shielded his eyes as he stepped through the door.

Once his eyes adjusted he realized that it hadn't been a light at all, it was snow.

He took in his surroundings and found he was in an office of some sort… at least it was set up like an office… only there was snow.

"Damon, Mon petit tyran. You've come back from the dead?" A familiar voice said.

"Sage. Yes it seems I have. Tell me how long has it been since the human's and my brother left this place?"

"It has been at least one week my friend. Ah you must be thirsty… have some black magic." Sage said offering him a glass.

Damon gladly took it finally soothing the annoying burning his throat had taken on.

It was no blood, but it did the trick for now.

"Well I must be going… I want to get back to Fells Church as soon as possible."

"I will accompany you if you don't mind. I am headed to earth anyways on a mission for my father so it will be no trouble at all."

"Thank you." Damon said.

Sage smirked.

"Do my ears deceive me?"

Damon just shook his head at the smirking vampire and they started off.

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><p><strong>AN: So Damon might get there a little sooner with the help of sage… I am not going to make Damon fall in love with Bonnie right away… because I just don't like to rush things… in fact they might become friends first… I still haven't decided but I guess we will find out =) well R&amp;R<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: I had hoped to post the beta corrected version of this but since I have been getting PMs like crazy to update this I will give it to you…I may however replace it later when my beta gets back to me for this… well anyways as always thank you for the lovely reviews and for the kind words of those who love my stories as they are… I may just update regularly as I have in the past lol well I love you guys and I hope you like this chapter=)**

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><p><em>Dear Damon,<em>

_As expected both Meredith and Stefan came to confront me for upsetting Elena… I feel bad for hurting them but I couldn't help the awful things I had said to them._

_I feel as if I am not myself anymore… like something is slowly consuming me._

_Oh what I wouldn't give for you to be here… _

_I love you so much that I am not sure if I want to live now that you are gone…_

_If you can even call this living at all._

_I think in some ways I died that day when you were staked, yes my heart may be beating but what is a body without a soul?_

_An empty shell… that's what it is._

_My soul is gone, or part of it anyways._

_I will always love you, no matter how many people tell me to move on… _

_Love, Bonnie._

* * *

><p><em><strong>****EARLIER****<strong>_

"Bonnie! Let us in. It's Stefan and Meredith." Stefan called out as he knocked on the door.

Bonnie turned up the volume on her I Pod, hoping that the loud music would drown out the loud banging on the front door as well as their annoying voices.

"Come on Bonnie we just want to talk, can't you just let us in?" Meredith reasoned.

No such luck there...

After a few moments the knocking stopped as well as their calls.

She was relieved for that and turned the volume back down on her I Pod only to hear a soft thud from one of the rooms upstairs.

She silently cursed to herself for not locking all of the windows before going downstairs.

"Stefan, open the front door, some of us can't jump two stories high you know." Meredith's calm voice floated through the front door.

Bonnie rolled her eyes and got up to open the door, knowing that she was in no way off of the hook.

'_Might as well get this over with.' _She thought as she pulled the door open.

"Bonnie why didn't you answer us? We have been out here for a while now." Meredith said as soon as the door opened.

"Yes, and what did you do to Elena?" Stefan's voice sounded behind her just as Meredith stepped in.

Bonnie turned to him and smirked.

"What did I do to precious Elena? Why nothing Stefan, except tell her the truth… Maybe next time she will think twice before trying to play match maker so I can get over your brother. After all she makes it

seem as if no one else can mourn his death besides her."

Stefan looked taken aback by Bonnie's attitude.

He knew that there was just something not right.

"Bonnie what did you say to her? She locked herself in the room and won't come out." Meredith calmly approached her friend.

Bonnie rolled her eyes.

"Quite the drama queen isn't she? I guess she really can't stand to be compared to Katherine is all."

Stefan's eyes widened in shock.

Bonnie would have never intentionally hurt anyone, it was against her nature.

He examined her closely noting that her aura seemed to be dark and her powers pulsating.

Meredith hugged Bonnie, knowing that she must be suffering if she was being so unlike herself.

"Don't touch me!" Bonnie hissed shrugging Meredith's arms off of her.

"Bonnie! When was the last time you ate? You're so thin!" Meredith's concern for the petite redhead grew more and more.

Bonnie ignored the question and glared at the two 'visitors' in her living room.

"Meredith, you fight and kill vampires yet you are just as cold and dead as they are! Why don't you just leave me alone and go comfort your precious Elena!"

"Bonnie? What has gotten into you?" Stefan asked softly.

She laughed bitterly.

"You can stop pretending you give a damn Stefan. We all know that the only thing you care for is Elena, and that you would risk any one else's life to keep her safe. So go to her. Both of you leave now! And

don't bother coming back I don't want to spend my time around people who disgust me like all of you do!"

Stefan and Meredith locked eyes for a moment.

"Leave!" Bonnie yelled as she held the door open for them.

They felt as if something were physically pushing them out of the house.

Once they were out the door slammed behind them and they looked at each other once more.

"There is something wrong with her, I saw her aura and it was so… dark." Stefan said as they walked to his car.

"I think we may need to ask Mrs. Flowers if she knows what is going on." Meredith suggested.

They headed for the boarding house each equally disturbed by what had just happened.

* * *

><p>"Fells Church Virginia." Sage commanded as he stuck the golden key into the grand door before them.<p>

The door opened and they were swallowed by a bright light.

Damon stepped through the door and looked back to Sage.

"Well this is as far as I can go mon petit tyran. I have business elsewhere but I will be sure to stop by soon for a visit."

"Thanks again Sage."Damon said sincerely.

Sage shrugged.

"It was no trouble, well until we meet again my friend"

The door closed up and disappeared all together within seconds.

Damon looked around and took in his surroundings.

All around him were sunken graves of all shapes and sizes, covered in soft green moss.

He knew then he stood in the old part of the cemetery.

He stood there for a moment not sure where he should go first.

He decided that it might be better if he hunted before going anywhere that his brother's humans might be, and headed in the direction of the small bar that was at the edge of the sleeping town.

Once he got there he scanned the area for a possible victim, hoping to find a donor that wasn't too intoxicated.

Though he loved alcohol itself he preferred his blood more pure and when it was laced with too much alcohol it was too bitter for his taste.

He spotted a brunette sitting alone at the end of the bar and sauntered over to her.

"Now what is a pretty thing such as yourself doing alone in a place like this?" He asked in his silky voice.

The woman looked up at him appraising him with her eyes, apparently liking what she saw.

"Well my boyfriend just broke up with me… You look like you have had a rough night yourself." She stated as her eyes dropped to the tear in his shirt.

"That would be an understatement… I hear misery likes company, mind if I join you?" He flashed her his brilliant smile.

"Not at all." She said as she patted the empty stool beside her own.

"I'm Damon by the way."

"Clara."

"Such a lovely name for such a lovely woman." He said laying the charm on thick.

He was in a hurry and didn't feel like playing with his food tonight… there were two more important women he needed to see.

Clara blushed and looked down at the bar.

"I usually don't do this, but would you like to come to my place for some coffee?" She asked shyly.

"I would love too." He replied.

He let her lead the way out of the bar.

Once outside he turned her to face him and looked deeply into her eyes.

"Change of plans my dear. You will follow me and not ask any questions." He said as he compelled her.

"I will follow you and not ask any questions." She repeated in a robotic voice.

Damon led her deep within the shadows of the alleyway next to the bar, stopping once he was sure they wouldn't be seen by any passersby.

He looked deeply into her eyes once more compelling her not to scream or struggle as he fed from her.

Once he had his fill of her rich blood he sent her on her way compelling her to forget she had ever met him.

He changed into his crow form and flew towards the boarding house.

Once it came into view he changed back to himself fully prepared to burst through the door no doubt scaring the humans as well as his little brother, but when he reached the front door and heard their

voices he paused.

It wasn't hearing their voices that made him stop, it was what they were talking about; or more specifically whom.

He listened carefully to what they were saying.

"Her aura is dark and her powers are like nothing I have ever seen." Stefan said.

"When I hugged her she felt like bones she was so thin… I asked her mother if she noticed her odd behavior and the woman broke down crying."

Damon was surprised by the concern in Meredith's voice, she was usually so calm and collected and hid her emotions extremely well.

As well as himself even.

"Mrs. Flowers, what is going on with Bonnie?"

It took every bit of his will power not to go to Bonnie's house right that second.

For he too was curious of what was wrong with his little bird, so worried in fact that Elena's sweet voice didn't faze him in the least.

Sure he was in love with her, or at least he thought so anyways, but that was besides the point.

His little bird could possibly be in danger.

He not so patiently waited for the old witch to answer the question that seemed to be on all of their minds… his included.

"I'm afraid my dears that Bonnie can't be helped so easily. You see witches are emotion driven creatures, from what you have told me so far it seems as if Bonnie is so deep in grief that her body is shutting

down and allowing her power to take over. Most likely this is unintentional as it is mostly the case, but if she doesn't get better soon her body will die and so will her power…"

Damon changed to his crow form letting out a loud caw before taking off into the night.

"What was that?" Meredith asked.

Everyone in the boarding house spilled out onto the front porch to investigate the strange sound they had just heard.

Elena dropped to her knees as she picked up the single large black feather that had just settled to the ground.

"Damon…" She whispered to the wind, everyone gasped in surprise when they heard his name.

They didn't know when, or how, but they knew that Damon Salvatore was back.

* * *

><p>Bonnie was sprawled across her bed, lacking the energy to do much of anything.<p>

She was just starting to drift off to sleep when she heard the tapping on her window.

She groaned and threw a pillow at the window.

"Go away Stefan! I told you I don't want to see you guys again." She whispered loudly, knowing that with his vampire senses he would be able to hear her clearly.

"I imagine my little brother has that affect on most women, I however am not St. Stefan nor do I want to be." Sarcasm coated his words but it was his silky voice that made her bolt upright in her bed.

"I really am losing my mind… I thought I just heard-"She whispered to herself.

A dark chuckle came from just outside her window sending a chill down her spine.

"Well little bird, aren't you going to let me in?"

"I don't know who you are but the only person that ever called me that is… dead." Her voice cracked on that last part.

"But I am very much alive… well as alive as a vampire can be anyways."

She slowly made her way to her window and sure enough the man who had plagued her dreams and stolen her heart was perched neatly on a branch of the oak that stood right outside her window.

She opened the window up, though she was sure she was hallucinating.

"Hello little bird, miss me much?" His silky voice broke her out of her thoughts and she noticed that he now stood in her room only inches away.

Close enough to touch… if only it was real.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: so although I wanted to stretch out when Damon would get there I was hit with an idea that made it possible for him to reach here earlier =) this in no fact means that Damon is going to be all in love with bonnie right this minute because well that just wouldn't be realistic… the fact that he ran to her so suddenly was because he felt she was in danger so lets just see how this all plays out =) I think this is the longest chap for the story so far lol well r&amp;r and tell me what u thought<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Hello! Did u miss me? Ok so don't stake me… I know I have been horrible and was MIA for almost a month. I know I know boo me! Well I am back though now and firstly thank you so much for the lovely reviews! I haven't been on fan fic at all lately so I will try to catch up on your stories asap! Well here goes ch 6! I know u been waiting forever**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing besides the plot and ya everything else belongs to the ppl who are getting paid for this stuff :P**

* * *

><p>As Bonnie stepped into the silver light of the moon that shone through her window Damon truly got a look at her and was surprised by what he saw.<p>

He now understood why the others were worried for the petite red head and they were rightfully so.

He caught her just as she passed out from either shock or lack of eating.

He gingerly put her on her bed and sat in the arm chair beside it.

He had never realized his death would affect anyone this way, and while he was flattered that someone actually cared, he felt a deep stab of guilt knowing that his little bird had suffered so much mourning

him.

He looked over to Bonnie whose small form seemed to be swallowed up by her bed.

It was then that he knew that he had to help Bonnie recover from this, no matter what it took.

She stirred slightly in her sleep and mumbled his name softly.

He decided he would be there when she woke and found that he himself was quite exhausted, and he slowly drifted off into a dreamless slumber.

When he woke it was early in the morning and Bonnie was still fast asleep.

From the dark circles beneath her eyes he knew she needed the rest and was sure this was the first real sleep in a while.

He decided he would go catch a quick snack as well as pick something up for Bonnie for breakfast.

He hopped out of her window changing forms as he did and took to the sky.

* * *

><p>Bonnie woke to the cool morning breeze floating gently into her bed room through her open window.<p>

She jolted upright nearly falling off of her bed when she remembered the previous night.

She grabbed out a sheet of paper not sure what to make of this.

What if it had all been a dream? A beautiful unrealistic dream.

She began to write to Damon as she had done whenever she felt lost.

_Dear Damon,_

_I had the most wonderful dream last night. You were alive! You came to me in my room and you _

_were as beautiful as ever. It must have been a dream, after all I saw you die on that cold little _

_moon in the netherworld. I watched as you slipped away, all because of my foolishness. If it _

_were real, you should be angry with me. You should hate me as much as the others… as much as _

_I loathe myself. Real or not for the small amount of time that I saw you, heard your voice it was _

_like a dream come true. I cannot bring myself to say it was real, because if it was not, if it was all _

_in my head it would be like losing you all over again…_

_Love, Bonnie_

She stashed the letter with the others and got dressed, she had convinced herself that it was all in her head.

After all it wouldn't be the first time since his death that she had thought she heard his voice, or even thought she had seen him.

He haunted every dream and thought she had.

Why should this time be any different?

When she stepped back into her room her breath caught in her throat, her wide brown eyes began to pool with tears as she took in the man that was perched neatly on her bed.

"Damon?" Her voice cracked as though she had gone years without speaking.

"Yes little bird, it is me." He stood up cautiously not wanting to scare her.

"Why?" She asked confusing him.

"Why?" He repeated arching a perfect brow.

"Why do you haunt me? I am losing what is left of my sanity… you aren't real. You can't be. I-I am sorry for killing you but I don't know if I can take this… seeing you. Hearing you. This isn't real. My mind must

be so gone that I am hallucinating." She rambled on as he closed the distance between them.

For every step he took towards her she took a step back.

This dance went on until she could move no further as the cold wall met her back, but still he stepped up to her.

"Bonnie this isn't a hallucination, I am as real as you are."

She shook her head stubbornly, her tears falling freely now.

He grabbed her hand and placed it on his cheek.

"If this wasn't real… if I am not real could you feel my flesh beneath your finger tips?" He asked desperately trying to break through to her.

"I-I …" She trailed off at a loss for words.

This was all just too much.

"Bonnie I am real, and I am herewith you right now. I am not sure myself as to how this is possible but it is."

"B-but it isn't possible. I killed you it can't be." She averted her gaze to the floor, unable to look at him.

His onyx eyes lit up in realization then guilt as he realized that she blamed herself for his death.

"Bonnie look at me." He said softly.

When she kept her gaze to the floor he lifted her head gently with his index finger under her trembling chin.

"Bonnie my death was in no way your fault. I wanted to save you… don't ever blame yourself. As for if this is impossible… I guess we should realize by now that nothing is impossible. Elena should be dead

yet her heart is beating, I guess same goes for me… well except for the heart beat…"

He was cut off when she threw herself at him clutching onto him like he was her very life, almost knocking him over.

"Oh Damon it really is you!" She sobbed into his silk shirt.

"Yes I am here…and together we are going to get you back to good health. Your powers seem to be trying to consume you."

She looked up at him confusion written on her tear stained face.

"W-what do you mean?"

"We will discuss this later… but first I brought you something to eat. You need to get your body strong again before we can get control over your powers."

He pulled out a Styrofoam box that had a still steaming omelet from some restaurant in it.

She eyed it wearily, the aroma making her empty stomach groan not so quietly.

Damon chuckled and handed the box to her as well as a plastic fork.

She ate it greedily her starving body protesting only a little as she scooped the last of the omelet into her mouth.

"Now, should we go to see the others?" He asked once she was finished.

She looked to the hardwood floor at the mention of the others.

"I think you should go see them… they would be happy to know that you are alive. They hate me so I think I should stay here… I don't think I am ready to face them yet."

"Bonnie they could never hate you."

"They could and it was my fault… I was terrible toward them when they only wanted to help. I do think you should go to them though."

"Okay little bird. But I will be back at noon with more food for you." He flashed her a smile for a second and before she could protest that he didn't need to bring her anything he was out of the window and

flying away.

This time when she grabbed her pen and a sheet of paper she wasn't sad or upset. She was relieved that Damon was alive, and though this should have been enough to make her stop writing to him, old

habits die hard.

Besides she knew she lacked the courage to actually speak out loud to him how exactly this made her feel.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: okay so ya I know it wasn't the most exciting chapter in the world and you deserve one after all the waiting for an update… but i would like to hear your thoughts anyways. Also a warning: At this moment Damon feels guilty about the bonnie thing so that is why he is helping her… so unfortunately he is not madly in love with her just yet… but as they spend time together the magic will happen :p <strong>

**What to expect next chapter:**

Elena's reaction to Damon (Warning: May contain a delena moment in which will almost kill me to write but I want it to be realistic and lets face it… damon has feelings for her no matter how much we hate it )

More damon bonnie time that will hopefully make up for the delena.

Also just a note Bonnie will not give damon the letters just yet… I actually have a sort of semi plan how I want that to happen but I guess we will have to wait and see

**Well thank you for reading and as always I love you guys!**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: First, A huge thanks to my Beta for this story LilyCullenSalvatore96 thank you for your time =) **_[No Problem (: ]_**. Secondly thank you for all reviews. I have to say I love writing this story and although phantom was a huge let down for me as a Bamon fan it just makes me want to keep going so even though it might never happen in the books I still have this plus all of the other Bamon stories on here.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot of this story, all else belongs to L.J who created these characters and inspired us fans =)  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>"Damon is alive!"<em>Elena thought to herself.

To be honest she was a little miffed that he flown off to, without a doubt, to go and see a certain red head before even uttering a word to her.

He loves her not Bonnie, and she loves him too.

Yes, it may have taken him dying to finally admit her feelings for him, but did that make them any less real or true?

Yet he had flown off to Bonnie's last night, leaving all of them shocked that he isn't dead after all.

"_Maybe he was going over there to confront Bonnie for saying those awful words to me?" _The hopeful part of her whispered comfortingly.

But the logical side had always known that while she may have his love, there was a part of Damon that always has a soft spot for the red head.

That he cared about Bonnie in some way, and knowing Damon even that tiny amount of caring was huge when it came to him.

Then there is Stefan.

It hurt her to see the resigned look in his oak green eyes, knowing that she is causing it.

She had caused it by not being able to contain the joy that spread throughout her when she saw that single iridescent feather float to the boarding house porch.

She had caused it by not being able to love Stefan and only Stefan.

She knew it hurt Stefan that she is in love with his brother too, but you can't help what you feel right?

_"You can do what's right and let Damon go."_The irritating voice of logic whispered to her again.

As if by magic, the vampire that had been on her mind since the previous night, appeared in all of his black on black glory.

"Elena…" Damon took a step closer, unsure of what to expect.

"Oh Damon I am so happy you aren't dead." She cried as she threw herself into his arms.

"But princess did you forget that I have been dead for nearly five centuries?" He chuckled softly into her golden hair.

"You know what I mean…" She pulled back so she could look into his midnight colored eyes.

"Damon, I need to know…Do you still love me?"

"Elena, I… look, I will always love you, but I have remembered my love for my brother and I refuse to repeat history and fight with him for love. As long as you are with him I cannot be

with you and I am sure he feels the same about me. So I have come here to ask you to make a choice," He held a finger to her lips when she was about to protest. "Not now. I want you to

take a week or so and then we will talk about this again. I love you Elena, but Stefan is the only family I have left."

"I… I love you both. How can you possibly ask me to choose? It's not fair to make me choo-"

"And it's not fair to expect either I or my brother to be okay with you having us both. Now, now princess, we went through that with Katherine and you see how well that went… this is why I

am giving you time. Where is my dear brother anyways? Out killing Bambi and friends I suppose?"

"I-I don't know… and it's your fault anyways, you wouldn't leave me alone until I finally had feelings for you, and now you want me to choose knowing that I will have to hurt one of you-"

"Elena, there will be no more talk of this until you choose, and until then I want you to think hard about what you really want. Until then yes I will come visit when I can but I have

something to take care of..." Damon trailed off.

"Okay,I'm sorry; it's just so much to take in. I mean first you died, then now you're alive again, and then you want me to choose. I will think about it and let you know. I am just so very happy

that you are here, and alive… it all just seems like a dream." She said as she slipped into his lithe arms once more.

"I know princess, I have to go now. I have some matters to attend, but tell my little brother I will be back to see him." He said as he untangled her arms from his waist.

He transformed into a crow and flew off into the sunset, leaving the golden haired beauty watching his disappearing form until nothing was left but the painted sky.

She wiped the single tear that had escaped her eye away, and turned to go back into the boarding house.

Just as she reached for the door, strong arms encircled her waist.

She turned in them to face their green eyed owner.

"He's right you know?" Stefan said as he kissed the top of her head.

"I know." Is all she said.

She knew then that he heard the whole conversation.

"I just want you to know that whatever you decide, I will always love you."

He tightened his arms around her and just held her as she wept into his shirt.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Damon,<br>_

_You went to see the others and have been gone for quite a while…  
><em>

_I know you and Elena were probably talking, and I can't help but feel a little jealous,  
><em>

_which is stupid since I have no right to feel that way… I mean I can't even confess my feelings for _

_you and yet I am getting jealous?  
><em>

_I am just a coward, and you… you're a distant dream since I will never be able to say those three  
><em>

_simple words to you.  
><em>

_I know Elena is beautiful, and perfect, and much more than I can ever be, but I can't help but  
><em>

_wonder… why not me?  
><em>

* * *

><p>Bonnie wiped her damp eyes and tossed the letter into the shoe box, before placing it back on the top self in her closet.<p>

Cupid had always played cruel tricks on her heart, always letting her fall in love with guys that would never even spare her a second glance.

She knew now though that those had been little crushes, while this, what she felt for Damon was love.

Yes, she knew that Damon had a soft spot for her… but people have soft spots for babies, and puppies, and anything considered cute.

Not for beautiful, bold and charming things… those are qualities that guys love.

She was not any of those things and she knew it.

Never had she been called beautiful, it was always cute.

If she could ban that word from any and all languages she would.

She cursed her childish looks, and her short scrawny build.

It was no wonder Damon couldn't love her.

She isn't Elena.

"_But he came to you first"_; the hope filled whisper came to her.

"Yes, only because he feels responsible for my downward spiral." She answered aloud.

There was a tap at her window.

She numbly made her way to the window and opened it, letting in the handsome vampire of both her happiest dreams as well as worst nightmares climb through.

"Have you been cooped up in this room all this time?" He asked once he was in.

"Well yes, I didn't want to leave in case you came back."

"Well now that I am here, we are leaving. You need fresh air as well as food … so I found a way to give you both."

"Damon I am in pajamas, I highly doubt that I am dressed properly for anything you have planned."

He held out a hand for her to take as he perched on the window seat.

"Where we're going it won't matter what you are wearing." He promised, his hand still out.

When she didn't make a move he smiled at her encouragingly.

"Just trust me little bird."

"Okay." She said as she took his hand.

"You might want to close your eyes; I know that you are afraid of heights." He secured her small form to him with his arms as they stood there on the window seat.

"Actually after you died I realized that being afraid of heights was a silly fear."

"Well I guess so… I mean some people might fear flying into the night sky with a vampire, while you were only scared of the flying part." He chuckled.

He took off into the sky, and she had never known that Fells church could look so beautiful.

She could see the lights of the town flash below them; it was all just so magical.

He finally landed in a clearing and set her gently on her feet.

She looked around and realized that it wasn't just any clearing they were in, but the same clearing where they had fought Klaus, where Elena was magically brought back to them.

"Why are we here?" She asked curious.

"Well we all have survived so much in this very spot, and I brought you back here to remember that. Forget the bad stuff that happened here but remember us surviving…you surviving. You

didn't give up then and you will not give up on yourself now." Damon explained.

Fresh tears sprung to her eyes, and she tried to hide her face but he wouldn't let her.

"W-what if I don't want to survive? What if I am tired and just want to let go Damon?"

"Shh… Don't say that, you are one of the strongest, bravest people I know. If you are tired I will be you're strength. There is no way I will allow you to give up."

She turns her back to him unable to face him.

"Why do you even care?" She asked.

This was a question he had asked himself on numerous occasions and still he had no answer. He knew that the answer was there, somewhere even he could not access but this was something

he also wanted to know.

"Honestly I don't know…" He said.

She let out a shaky breath and tried to dry her damp eyes.

Is this really what love was like?

Pain and tears?

Almost every story book and movie depicted love as beautiful, happiness, and nothing but bliss.

He turned her to face him once more.

"I may not know why I care, but know that I do care. I will not let any harm come to you, especially from yourself. Do you understand me?"

She could only nod, not trusting her voice.

He wiped the rest of her tears away with his thumbs.

"Now I hope you are hungry because I brought lots of food. I wasn't sure what you liked so I just grabbed a little of everything." He said as he led her to the middle of the clearing.

Gas lamps lit up the small area where a blanket was spread with several covered platters.

He wasn't kidding when he said he had brought a little of everything either.

After her stomach was full and Damon had packed up all of the food, he turned off all of the lamps but one.

"Wait here for a moment. I will be right back." He said, he ran full speed into the surrounding woods.

It was only seconds before he came back carrying a telescope.

She looked at him questioningly as he set it up.

"Come here, I want you to look through this and tell me what you see."

She complied with his request, even though she didn't see the point of it.

"I see stars, Damon I really don't see the point of this" She said as she straightened up to look at him.

"The point of this, Bonnie, is that you are a star. You are bright and energetic, and light up anyone who is lucky enough to meet you life." Damon said.

"Okay, while that was sweet Damon, I am still not too sure why you think this will help me…"

"Bonnie, you are dying inside. Do you know what happens when a star dies?" He asked.

"No."

"When a star dies, it leaves a black hole in its place. Bonnie if you were to die, if I let you keep on going the way you have been, there would be a black hole in not just mine but anyone who's

had the pleasure of knowing you. You are our very light star that has saved us time and time again. If you don't want to get better for yourself, then I ask you to please get better for the

sake of the others… for me."

"Okay. I will try my hardest not to let you down. Thanks Damon." She hugged him and he didn't resist the gesture.

In a way it just felt right for her to be in his arms… and though he didn't know why this was so, he promised himself that someday he would gain access to that deep part of him that didn't

allow him to understand these things.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Soooo… The Elena scene… I just couldn't bring myself to write a kiss lol but I think that if Damon really had changed as he claimed in Phantom, he would have made her decide . And I hope you liked the Bamon part. Yes I know he didn't profess his undying love for her but he did tell her he cared, and eventually he will figure out his entire feelings. I have to say my favorite part of this chapter was the star thing lol it just came to me and I went with it. Well let me know what u thought =)<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Hola! Yes, yes I know it has been too long, but I hope that this chapter makes up for the wait. First a big thanks to my beta LilyCullenSalvatore96 thanks for sticking with me even though I haven't given you anything in ages. To my readers and reviewers thanks for supporting this story as well as my others, stay awesome.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>BN:** No problem, and sorry for the LOONG wait, I'm sure many of you know what a drag High School at the end of the year is like. And your welcome, it's a pleasure.

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: don't own anything but the plot of this story =( but we all knew that<strong>

**WARNING:**

The characters in this story may be OOC, and this is an AU fic meaning that it does not follow the story the books tell. Also I apologize in advance for any and all mistakes that you may find.

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><p>o~O~o<p>

"I'm a new soul  
>I came to this strange world<br>Hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take.  
>But since I came here<br>Felt the joy and the fear  
>Finding myself making every possible mistake<p>

I'm a young soul in this very strange world  
>Hoping I could learn a bit bout what is true and fake.<br>But why all this hate?  
>Try to communicate<br>Finding trust and love is not always easy to make…"  
>Yael Naim ~ New Soul<p>

o~O~o

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><p><strong>Third Person POV<strong>  
>Bonnie woke up feeling a lot better than she had since Damon's death.<p>

The fact that he had promised her to see her today might have played a small role in her good mood.

She decided she would go downstairs and get some breakfast before getting ready for her day out with Damon.

"Bonnie, are you feeling better?" her mom asked when she entered the kitchen.

She was hit with guilt.

She had said some not so nice things to her, and he mother was still talking to her?

"You know, I think I really am." she said as she sat down.

"That's good honey." her mother smiled in relief.

"Mom?" she asked apprehensively.

"Yes dear?"

Bonnie wrung her hands together.

She was ashamed of how she had treated her mother and wanted to set it right.

"Mom, I'm sorry. I know I haven't been the most pleasant person to be around lately, and I shouldn't have treated you the way I did. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I  
>am really sorry."<p>

Her mother pulled her into a tight hug.

"Oh Bonnie. Of course I forgive you! I'm just so happy that you are feeling better."

She hugged her mother back, relishing in their little moment.

It reminded her of when she was younger, back when she could tell her mother everything.

Back before her world was turned upside down and she learned that the things that go bump in the night actually existed.

But now?

Now she couldn't tell her mother everything to protect her.

To protect herself.

She couldn't very well tell her mother that she was deeply in love with a centuries old vampire.

Her mother went back to whatever she was doing, and Bonnie grabbed a bowl and some cereal.

Now that she was in a better mood, she felt embarrassed that Damon had found her so broken.

She wasn't sure if she could face the others yet, and honestly she wasn't too sure she should apologize to them.

She may have been harsh with her words, but she only spoke the truth.

It was them that had overlooked her feelings in the first place, so if they truly valued her friendship than it should be them to apologize to her.

She didn't want to become the cold person she had been at that dark time in her life, but she wasn't going to be a pushover either.

She put her bowl in the sink and hopped in the shower.

She let the hot water hit her while she mulled over her thoughts, and one by one she felt her muscles loosen up.

She quickly got dressed and put on a little makeup.

Once she was satisfied, she took out a sheet of paper and her pen.

She had to keep her mind busy in the only way she knew how.  
><em><br>Dear Damon,  
>I still can't believe you're alive! I still haven't mustered up the courage to tell you how I feel, but<br>hopefully I will soon. I think it might be easier now that I know you at least care, or at least I  
>hope it will...<br>Even the thought of confessing my love for you is scary.  
>I mean, how do I, a girl who has no experience, tell you a man, a vampire who has lived many life times of experiences that I love you?<br>I am a fool if I even imagine that you will reciprocate my love.  
>And yet still, my heart speeds up when u are near. My breath is taken away when you walk into<br>a room, and I could get lost in your eyes forever.  
>Even though it's foolish, and my heart is sure to be broken, I will go with you today, and the next.<br>Not telling you how I feel and watching as you longingly stare at Elena... Well whenever I am ready to even face her myself.  
>Xo Bonnie.<br>_  
>Bonnie sighed and stashed the letter with the others, and not a moment too soon, because there was a tap at her window.<p>

She opened it and he came in.

"You are looking better already." he remarked.

"Well I do feel a little better today. So what's on the agenda for today?"

"I thought we could go to the carnival since it is in town."

She looked at him in disbelief.

"What?" he asked.

"It's just I never took you for a carnival person."

"I'm not, but this day isn't about me. It's about you."

"Okay, I guess it could be fun..."

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><p>When they arrived at the carnival, Damon stopped and looked around; Bonnie didn't miss the surprised look he wore.<p>

She couldn't help the giggle that escaped her lips.

He scowled in her direction.

"What's so funny?" he demanded.

"It's just you. It almost seems as if you never have been to a carnival in your life." she answered through her fit of giggles.

"Oh it's been a long time, and in my time what we called a carnival was... A lot different." he said.

This sobered her up.

She wasn't sure if she wanted to know his definition of a carnival, but she imagined it was nowhere nearly as pleasant as this one.

A huge smile spread on her face.

It was kind of nice to know more about something than a five hundred year old vampire, and she wouldn't miss out on the chance to show him a glimpse of her world.

She grabbed his hand, taking him by surprise with her sudden burst of energy.

"Come on! I have to take you on all if the rides and we have to play all of the games and you can win you a giant stuffed animal, and you have to try cotton candy!" she said all within one breath.

He couldn't help but chuckle at her excitement.

"Oh what the hell." He shrugged and let her pull him through the entrance.

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><p>"What is this cotton candy?" he asked once they had purchased their tickets.<p>

"Only the best thing in the world!" she pulled him to a vendor.

She ordered two and he watched as the vendor dipped a paper stick into the machine and handed them each one.

He looked at it doubtfully, turning it side to side examining it.

"This is the best thing in the world? I see why they call it cotton candy, it looks like a big cotton ball."

"You have to eat it silly."

He stared at it, wondering why humans would eat such a thing.

"I think I'll-"

Before he could finish his sentence Bonnie pulled a clump off of hers and popped it into his mouth.

It was no blood but it wasn't as appalling as he thought it would be either.

His eyes went wide with wonder as it disappeared instantly.

"What magic is this?" he asked the vendor.

The man looked at him as if he was crazy, and Bonnie pulled him away before Damon could get too angry.

"First time." she explained to the man as they walked away.

Bonnie chuckled after they had walked for a moment.

"What?" Damon asked.

"If I tell you, you have to promise not to laugh."

"I promise."

She held out her little pinky and when he just stared at it she hooked his pinky with her own.

"Okay. Well... When I was little I thought I wanted to be a tight rope walker."

He smirked, trying to keep his word to not laugh.

She gave him a look that stopped him before bursting out in laughter herself.

"I know, I know it was silly of me. I just remember when my dad took me to a circus, and seeing the woman walking the rope. She just seemed so brave and beautiful."

"But aren't you afraid of heights?" he asked.

"Yes. Or at least I was, but right now I somehow don't think I am. It's strange..." she trailed off lost in thought.

He looked away from a moment, thinking that the compulsion they had used on her to cross the bridge back in the dark dimension should have worn off by now.

"What are your dreams now?" he asked to change the subject.

"Well for one, to get out of fells church." she answered honestly.

He turned to her then.

"If you could be anywhere at this moment, where would you be?"

She bit her lip in thought before answering.

"I would have to say Scotland. My gram's is there and I haven't seen her in so long." her eyes stung at the thought of her grandmother, before she could get choked up she pointed to a roller coaster.

"Let's go on that."

Damon eyed the metal contraption with suspicion.

"I don't think-" before he could finish she grabbed his hand and pulled him to the roller coaster and handed the teenager that was running it two tickets.

They were strapped in and waiting for the ride to start when Damon asked, "Are you sure this is safe?"

Bonnie giggled.

"You are a vampire who has faced countless enemies, and your nervous about this? Here." she grabbed his hand just before the roller coaster began its slow climb to the top of a steep drop.

"Well this isn't so bad." he spoke too soon, because at that moment the cart descended the top at a fast pace.

The twists and turns jerked them around and he tightened his grip on her hand just a little so as not to crush her bones.

When the cart finally jolted to a stop he turned to her with bewildered eyes.

"Do you want me to die? Again?"

"Oh come on. It wasn't that bad." she laughed.

"I think I will choose the next one." he stated once they were off of the ride.

He pointed to the maze of mirrors with a sly smile.

He would pay her back for making him go on that death contraption.

Bonnie ran ahead and disappeared into the entrance with a plan of her own.

She passed through the narrow halls that contained all sorts of distorting mirrors and found a place to hide until Damon was near.

Damon looked all over for her, hoping to give her a little fright, but the mirrors made it impossible to tell what direction he was going, much less where the little red head was.

He walked around aimlessly and every time he thought he had finally found her it would end up being a reflection of himself.

Just when he began to become frustrated he caught reflection of her scarlet locks as she tried to sneak up on him.

He chuckled to himself and ducked around the corner and waited.

Just as she rounded the corner he grabbed her and pinned her against the wall causing her to shriek in surprise.

"Okay you got me." she laughed.

As she stared up at him with her big brown eyes, all thoughts of his intended gloating were replaced by thoughts of her lips.

For the first time since they had met, he wanted to kiss her; not for her blood, or to make Elena jealous, but simply because he wanted to, and it confused the hell out of him.

When he made no move to release her, she stared up at him questioningly.

He finally released her, though part of him wanted to keep her there for much longer.

They finally made their way out of the maze, he wondering why he couldn't get her lips out if his mind when he was in live with Elena, and she wondering what he was thinking.

It was evening now and the rest of the day had been filled with laughter and lighthearted teasing.

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><p>Damon pulled up to Bonnie's house.<p>

He got out of the car and opened her door for her.

"Thanks." she said as she got out.

He nodded in response and proceeded to walk her to her door.

When they reached it she turned to him and said, "I wanted to thank you for today. For helping me to find myself again, you didn't have to and yet you are."

"It's fine. I didn't have the worst time today myself." he smirked.

"Good night." she said as she disappeared through her front door.

"Good night little bird." he replied after it was shut.

He stood there a moment, staring at the place she was, wondering once more if he should have kissed her.

He shook off these thoughts though it seemed as if they had etched themselves in his mind and climbed into his Ferrari.

The stuffed bear that she had won for him sat in the passenger seat and seemed to stare up with him with sad eyes.

"Oh don't look at me like that. its complicated." he said before pulling out and heading to the boarding house.

When he arrived he silently hopped that everyone was asleep so he could gather his thoughts, but as soon as he entered his hopes were dashed when he was met with Stefan smirking in amusement.

"Is that who you have been with all day?" Stefan asked pointing to the bear.

"Remember little brother, I am stronger than you and will not hesitate to rip your throat out if you say another word"

Stefan chuckled and put his hands up in surrender letting Damon pass to the staircase.

He quickly climbed the steps and entered his room closing the door behind him.

He lay on his bed staring at the ceiling when he heard a knock on his door.

He growled in frustration before opening the door to find Elena on the other side.

"Can we talk?" she whispered.

He sighed and reluctantly motioned for her to come in.

She stood in the middle of the room and looked around.

"It's exactly how I remember it. We didn't go in this room after... Well you know." she bit her lip nervously.

"Can you get on with what you came here for, I highly doubt you just wanted to admire the decor." he ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

She looked a little hurt at his abruptness.

"Well it's just that you haven't been around much since you came back." she stated.

"Yes, we'll I have been somewhat occupied."

"I see... With whom?" she asked.

He laughed bitterly.

"I think that is none of your concern, seeing as you have yet to give me an answer."

The hurt in her eyes was evident, and he couldn't be the cause to her pain, after all he did love her, or did.

He sighed.

"If you really must know, I have been trying to find out how it is I am here today." he lied.

He didn't know why he lied, maybe it was the guilt that began to creep in as his feelings towards a certain red head started to change into, well something else.

His lie didn't ease her pain, in fact he watched as her beautiful features hardened into anger.

"Oh, really? And is Bonnie helping you with that? Because the smell of her favorite perfume seems to miraculously be all over you." she crossed he arms and looked at him pointedly.

"Look Elena, I don't have the time nor energy to deal with your ill timed jealousy. Maybe if you humans would have taken better care of her, I wouldn't have to now."

"She was the one who pushed us away!" Elena exclaimed loudly.

"Yes we'll maybe if you would have listened to her in the first place, she wouldn't have felt the need to do so, now if that's all-"

Stefan opened the door at that moment and upon seeing Elena close to tears he took her in his arms.

"What's going on?" he demanded to them both.

Not wanting a fight, Damon looked straight at Elena.

"Look Elena, I am sorry for being so harsh but I think that you should call Bonnie and fix this mess. If you value her friendship at all you will head my advice.

Before she could answer he disappeared out of his window suddenly feeling the urge to feed, but as he flew in the night sky, he found himself outside of a window.

He entered and stared down at the sleeping girl that had turned his world upside down in only a few days.

"What spell have you put on me little witch?" he asked barely above a whisper.

He bent down and placed a soft kiss upon her lips, and just as swiftly as he came he was gone again into the dark night sky.

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><p><strong>AN: So? What did you think? I think we are finally getting somewhere no? oh and for those of you who read my story surrender of the heart it is finally complete wedding and all. Well let me know what you thought of this chapter. Did you love it? Hate it? What was your favorite part? What was your least favorite part? What do you think will happen next?<strong>


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